sad post

I haven't felt like myself for the past week or so. There is something in the air that is just making me feel blue. My uncle has been fighting with heart problems for a while now. He has had a pacemaker for years and years - so did Gramps. Recently - for about a year - his pacemaker just wasn't doing the trick anymore. He was tired and in pain most of the time. He needed a lot of rest and relaxation time. For my sister's wedding, he barely made it to the reception and for family pictures. Family is something we take advantage of far to often. My aunt and Uncle live in Florida, so we didn't see them as much as we would have liked. By the time our wedding came along this May, my uncle was in the hospital. So, he and my Aunt Maryanne couldn't make the trip. It's my mom's oldest brother, Uncle Bob. This past weekend, mom and dad had to make a sudden trip to Florida because the hospital could no longer be of service - He spent the past few months in the hospital waiting on a heart transplant. So, they sent him home to be comfortable with the care of his wife and a hospice nurse. Mom and dad got there, and spent time catching up with their brother. In the meantime, my Aunt and Uncle - mom's other brother and sister, there are 4 kids in all - were still in route from Arizona and Chicago when Uncle Bob started to fade. This is the amazing part -- mom informed us that Uncle Bob was slowly fading early Saturday afternoon. Aunt Mary/Uncle Ken and Uncle Jim/Aunt Kris weren't scheduled to arrive until the evening. Throughout the day of updates, mom told us that Uncle Bob would wake up and ask if he could "go Home" to be with mom and dad - my grandparents- yet. Mom and Aunt Maryanne would tell him to hold on until Mary and Jim got there. He would say ok, and then go back unconcious. He would wake up again and this would repeat. No one thought that he would be able to hold on until they arrived - but he did. People are stronger than they appear. Family is a bond that adds strength. Love conquers all else. The family love shared between my uncle and his siblings was so strong that it kept him alive long enough for final good-byes. Now that is amazing.

So, my heart is sad for the loss of such a great man. But, it is also sad because I can't hug my mom. My mom, the strong, brave, loving, burden bearing woman that she is needs the support we have for her. But, I can't be there to give it to her. That breaks my heart. I am not the one with words of comfort. I don't ever have the right thing to say. I can't express what the depths of my heart feel. That's a weakness I have. But I haven't hated that so much as I do now. I love my momma with every ounce of my soul, and her pain is my pain. That's the downfall of living in a different state. No hugs for mom - the only way I know how to share in tradgic times.


RIP Uncle Bob. You will be forever missed and always loved. Welcome home to heaven. Say hi to Grandma and Grandpa for me. And give my little niece a hug and kiss.