Fears

From my list of 30 things, it is time for question 2! Yes, I know that it has taken me a while to get this one done, but it's a tough one for many reasons...

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

I have an absolute fear of alligators and crocodiles! If I see them on TV, I will have nightmares. I believe this fear came from a trip my family took when I was younger. I believe, if I remember right, we were visiting family in Florida. For some unknown reason, my mom decided to take us to the alligator farm. Uggghh.. why??? There was an old, rickety dock that extended out over the "swamp" where the allies and/or crocs lived. I was terrified the whole time. Every step I took, I felt like the wood beneath my feet was going to give out! I can't tell the difference between these creatures, but I know that they both scare the living daylights out of me! They are far too strong, and way to quick to jump. All I remember from that trip is practicing running in a zig-zag pattern so that I would not get eaten! You will never catch me in a lake in Florida! Or the ocean for that matter!! And to make matters worse, my dear ex-roommates and lovely boyfriend (husband now) would surprise me with huge pictures of an alligator's open mouth as the desktop background on my laptop! I would jump and scream every time!

I have some internal fears for life as well, but one big one is raising my kids in this world we live in today. Times are just so much different than they have ever been before. I used to spend my whole summer outside running around the streets with friends. I always had neighbors to play with. I was scared of nothing! These days, the streets are too busy, the neighbors aren't as friendly, and the strangers are not to be trusted! Our world is a big place, full of crime and change. There are so many stories on TV about bullies and suicide. It scares me to death for my children. When and why did our world start to believe this was even an option!?! What happened to common courtesy?? The extent of these things has come to a new level with social media. It plays a WHOLE new role in aiding to the obesity and bullying. I fear that I will not be able to show my kids the meaning of love, friendship, hard work, dedication, and self-worth.

My 3rd fear is a "what-if" kind of fear. With my hubby being in a dangerous line of work, I often think about the "what-ifs." I know I shouldn't, but it happens. I am a very analytical person. I am not very good with emotions and talking about my "feelings." I never have been good at it. I am a very closed person when it comes to this. Everything else, I am open! If I don't like you, you know it. If I am mad, you know it. I don't care what people think of me. I do what I like. But, emotions are hard for me... In the long run, I think it has made this turn into a deep fear because it is always there in the back of my mind. So, my 3rd fear: I am terrified of losing Alex. And not in the, we break-up, get divorced, move on kind of way (because I know it won't happen). But in the gone, never coming back, raising our kids without him kind of way. I couldn't imagine my life without him.